It’s kind of funny: sortmirrors is so completely ineffective that when I ran it, it swallowed all the mirrors in my mirror list and left me with nothing.
Which is okay, since I just added the ibiblio mirror to my pacman.conf list, and I’m back where I started. But it’s kind of funny. You’d think that something so completely broken as to be dangerous would get fixed soon. It must be of a very, very low priority.